Bad Patterns | shadoweyes's Blog

My life sucks right now.

The only way I can describe my life right now is on pause. My closest friend has moved away, most of my other friends have families.  My life right now is ruled by work.  I think the phrase is I live to work.  I need to get it the other way round, or just not work at all.

So a night out was definitely on the works.  I managed to drag a couple of my friends out for a good old night of drinking and dancing.  But inevitably, it was the same old excuses of I have to get home to the wife and kids.    Its a valid excuse, one I wish i could use myself, but its not meant to be for me yet. 

Not wanting the night to end, and with an alcohol buzz.  I continued the night alone, missing my best friend and wingman.  Dancing in my favourite club and I see her.  It's one of those weird clichés where our eyes meet across a crowded room  blah blah blah.  But this was one of those moments.  With the alcohol fueling my movements, I made my way across to her, she was with friends, but that didn't stop me from putting my cheesy moves on her Gangnam Style.  Just thinking about it now makes me cringe.

Whatever I did worked, because we were soon dancing together.  The attraction was instant and overwhelming, and we were soon locked n a kiss that brought back a hell of a lot of memories.  Falling back into old habits seems to be my speciality at the moment.  

I made sure I got her number, and we began texting on a regular basis.  It brightened my work day, it brightened my evening.  We learnt everything about each other.  We met a couple of weeks ago again for drinks and even sober we had loads to talk about and loads in common.  The attraction was there, the kissing was great. 

But I was holding back, I knew I didn't want to get too close. I've been burned too many times.  With Chloe most recently and of course the love of my life, who I had just really gotten over before meeting her.  But the similarities were there, and they should have told me to run a mile.  But what can I say, I'm a fool.   

Long story short, she's married.  2 kids.  Unhappily married, but married all the same, and I'm not going down that route.  In a way I'm glad I held back.  I'm certainly glad I didn't sleep with her, although I'm sure it would have been great.

I keep playing back the first night we met again in my head and the similariities to my meeting Mia is startling.  It was a bad omen and I should not have continued from that point.  But I was putting myself out there.

So it's back to the daily grind 8 hours a day 5 days a week.  My life on pause.

My life sucks right now

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Posted on 10:28PM on Dec 5th, 2012
Wow. Well, Shadoweyes, as always, I admire your BOLDNESS to just go for it!
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